"The Six A's of Positive Parenting: Focus on Families with Children"
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Message #4
Growing Strong Families for Every Season of Life |
(9/26/99 AM) |
Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do
not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.
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Acceptance helps my child feel Secure
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Appreciation helps my child feel Significant
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Affection helps my child feel Lovable
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Availability helps my child feel Important
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Accountability helps my child learn Self-Control
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Authority helps my child learn to Obey and make Wise
Choices.
1. To Accept my child is ...
Romans 15:7 – Accept one another,
then, just as Christ accepted you.
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to show him unconditional love.
Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates
his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for
us.
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to teach him: "I am someone special."
Our culture teaches our kids they are valuable and have worth only if
they ...
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Are physically attractive.
1 Samuel 16:7 – The LORD does
not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.
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Are academically superior.
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Perform better than others.
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Possess more than others.
Healthy self-image = Seeing myself as God sees me!
See Genesis 1:27,31
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to identify and cooperate with his God-given shape.
Job 10:8-9 – Your hands shaped
me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? 9 Remember that you molded
me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again?
Psalm 139:13-16 – For you created
my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because
I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that
full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes
saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
2. To Appreciate my child is to ...
Mark 1:10-11 – As Jesus was
coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit
descending on him like a dove. 11 And a voice came from heaven: "You are
my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."
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Catch him doing something right.
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Express sincere praise for a job well done.
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Encourage him to put forth his best effort while giving him freedom
to fail.
3. To show Affection to my child is to learn to speak his love language
effectively and often.
(See 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:13)
The five "love languages" of children.
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Physical Touch
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Words of Affirmation
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Quality Time
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Gifts
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Acts of Service
How Do I Know What My Child's Main "Love Language" is?
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Observe how your child expresses love to you.
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Observe how your child expresses love to others.
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Listen to what your child requests most often.
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Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
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Give your child a choice between two options that represent two different
love languages.
4. To be Available for my child is ...
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to make my parenting role a priority
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to recognize that love is spelled t-i-m-e !
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to understand that "quality time" only happens in the context of
"quantity time."
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to understand what season of life I am in.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 – There is
a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
How Much is the Second Salary Really Worth?*
| Salary |
+$15,000 |
+$30,000 |
| 1. Giving |
-$1,500 |
-$3,000 |
| 2. Federal Tax |
-$4,200 |
-$8,400 |
| 3. State Tax |
-$900 |
-$1,800 |
| 4. FICA Tax |
-$1,148 |
-$2,295 |
| 5. Child Care |
-$9,600 |
-$9,600 |
| 6. Transportation |
-$1,200 |
-$1,200 |
| 7. Meals |
-$1,000 |
-$1,000 |
| 8. Extra Clothes / Dry Cleaning |
-$600 |
-$600 |
| 9. Miscellaneous |
-$600 |
-$600 |
| Total Expenses |
-$20,748 |
-$28,495 |
| Salary Minus Expenses |
-$5,748 |
+$1,505 |
| 10. Plus Child Care Credit |
+$2,502 |
+$1,920 |
| Net Additional Family Income |
-$3,156 |
+$3,425 |
*Source: Ron Blue, Money Talks and So Can We, 1999, p. 127
5. To teach my child to Accountable I must be accountable as well.
Ephesians 5:21 – Submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ.
I am responsible to my child; but I am not ultimately responsible
for my child.
6. To teach my child to respond well to Authority I must exercise that authority
in the context of a loving relationship.
Autocratic
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"My way or the highway!" |
| (Light on Love, Heavy on Limits) |
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Permissive
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"Have it your way!" |
| (Light on Limits, Heavy on Love) |
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Neglectful
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"I really don't care what you do." |
| (Light on Love, Light on Limits) |
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Relation
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"I'm listening, and I care about you.
I want to understand how you feel.
This time we'll do it this way, because ..." |
| (Balance between Love and Limits) |
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Rules - Relationships = Rebellion
Rules + Relationships = Positive Parenting
